Why don’t we like to talk about sex?

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Based on the article of Glenn McDonald, ‘Science’ magazine

Let’s start with some numbers. According to the government’s most recent major survey of sexual behaviour in USA: 94% of women and 92% of men ( ages 18-44) have engaged in heterosexual intercourse in their lives; 87% (both genders) have engaged in oral sex; 17% of women and 6% of men reported same-sex contact in their lifetimes.

Thats A LOT of sex!

So we like sex, we’re good at sex, we want sex, we just don’t like to talk about it. We don’t want to talk about “how”, “where” and “when”. Not only the quality, but the quantity is a difficult subject as well. 

Yes, of course, it is complicated.

For us, humans, sex is NOT just a biological (reproductive) act. Just imagine how many kids we’d make if each time we’d jump on the bed with a hope to make one more baby. No, sex for us is tied into all sorts of emotions and relationships.

Sex for us is ->>> emotion!

So when we say “SEX”, it’s not just about genital contact, it’s about ALL -> pleasure, jealousy, love, self-esteem, health, depression, sadness, laugh and so on.

Augustin Fuentes, an anthropologist at the University of Notre Dame says: “If you’re taught that sexuality is a private thing and have to be done in a whispers, then you are likely to develop all sorts of psychological blocks as you grow up.” Anthropologists call it – ENCULTURATION ( formation of values and behaviour appropriate to the surrounding society).

We, humans, are uniquely susceptible to this phenomenon. Just think: humans born with the most undeveloped brain of all mammals.

Our brain grows OUTSIDE.

What you learn and see and feel growing up actually shapes the neutron patterns and structures. So sex is neurobiological thing. Conclusion: we become who we are mostly by “growing up in our culture.”

So even if we try to talk about sex as grown ups no matter how progressive we consider ourselves – we’ll bump into subconscious barriers.

Let’s talk about sex and media!
If we’re so shy about sex, why is it the advertising industry uses it to sell EVERYTHING from cola to clothes? Why the shows, movies, music are packed with sex? You could even fill ‘the country’ with books only on this subject.

The thing is our impulse to use sex in art and media goes back in time (40,000 years ago and more). We feel it is totally okay to mess up a bit with sex in art, music, books, advertising. But… don’t ever try to talk about it!
Conclusion: We are creating sex-barriers because of social, cultural and psychological reasons.

“Why to talk about sex at all?” – you’ll ask.
“Because it can lead to more sex,” – answering scientists.
But in case if you don’t wanna talk, but only “let’s do it” instead, try these interesting suggestions:


It is a celebration on the island of Java. The rules: you are going to the hilltop, making a wish and engaging in sex with a stranger. To ensure good luck you have to repeat it 7 times during the year. Each time – the same partner you met at the hilltop.
Remark: it shouldn’t be your gf/bf or spouse.

Looovvveeeellyyy!!! Ah, I see you are already packing to Java!


Its a group of people (worldwide) who practice sex by having ants, spiders and cockroaches (or any other insects) crawl over the body and bite. How’s that? Ready? Go go go! You first!

Pheromone Parties

Just sniff anonymized/used clothes and if you like how it smells – you’ll be introduced to the owner of the clothes … How sweet! Can imagine that tired red nose…sniffing around too much?

Life hacks: if you want to talk about sex with a strangers, tell them you are a sexologist/ur job/ (I did couple of times on my travel to London)…oh what a stories you’ll hear, haha 🙂 133 ideas for the new books!


Photo – Sergey Ishmaev


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100 Responses

  1. dronstadblog says:

    Interesting approach to the subject. It all varies from culture to culture.

  2. Very interesting. “Hey, I’m a sexologist. How you doin’?” I’ll have to try that one haha

    • U have to pretend and also BELIEVE u r a sexologist:)) haha 😂 enjoy

      • Of course. If you believe and don’t need a PhD or other cred to do so, you’re quite the master. It’s just someone studying sex academically. If we attach self importance to the title we may fail at it. Life free and go lightly.

      • It’s depends on the situation always. Sometimes I’m telling ppl afterwards that “sexologist” was just a joke 🙂 but they don’t believe me 😂😂

  3. Akarsh_dm says:

    Wonderfully articulated !!! Thing is sex really essential for survival of existence of a living thing on this planet but our society made it as most secrecies act.

  4. Scarpoe says:

    Reblogged this on Struggle Street and commented:
    Excellent post by Ray.

  5. Scarpoe says:

    This is goods stuff. Well done.

  6. Apple Rae says:

    Haha this is so interesting! I imagined you introducing yourself to a stranger in London as a sexologist! Lol. Great post! A lot of great insights! Sex is something I love to read and talk about despite the fact I came from a conservative and highly religious country 😂😂😂😂

    • Yeah, I’m using couchsurfing sometimes to meet new ppl in the cities when I’m traveling & it was fun to introduce myself as a sexologist 😂
      Yes, I understand about differences in the culture/growing up, but I’m sure u r very “progressive” human being. And to talk about sex doesn’t mean “all time & non stop” but just “not being scared to have a conversation about it” 🙂 right? :))

      • Apple Rae says:

        Yessss ahh! And it’s so much fun to talk about! Who doesn’t smile when sex becomes the topic? No one! So it could somehow relieve stress when you talk about something that makes you smile, yea?

      • Yes, it’s relaxing and fun, often 😉 ✌️😁
        But still difficult with some ppl (especially guys), bcz they often think if you talk – you like them and expecting “the move” 😂😂😂
        But I just prefer to talk blah blah

  7. Justme! says:

    Sex was such an open topic in my house growing up and still is today.

  8. Revenge of Eve says:

    Great post!

  9. You know…. the neighborhood kids, they used to call me ADIDAS… And I used to think it was because of my approach towards fitness, and that they were commending me for same…. until, I realized sometime back, when few of them saw me talking to one of those neighborhood “sexy woman”…Aah, ADIDAS is busy, they said and walked on.

    Later, I called them and enquired what ADIDAS meant, this time, just out of curiosity!

    He coolly says, ADIDAS is – All Day I Dream About Sex….Geez, so much for my fitness!

    Now I use a pair of Nike sneakers – and I have this strange feeling that they are saying behind my back, “Just Do It” as I jog past them.

    Have a good weekend!

  10. pendantry says:

    Sex sells, so they say (see, I used the word ‘sex’!) — I’m willing to bet this post will be one of your top-rated 😉

  11. In my household it has never really been encouraged nor discouraged – it happens so accept it! So long as there is safety and consent, no biggie!

  12. 87% engaged in oral sex – that’s a lot of talking!

  13. ortensia says:

    great post.
    media over use sex indeed but too many people still treat it like a tabu

  14. So even if we try to talk about sex as grown ups no matter how progressive we consider ourselves – we’ll bump into subconscious barriers.
    wow! thats a good one.

  15. tom says:

    PON not PORN?

  16. Syed Danish says:

    Though I agree with the subject but it varies with the culture.

    Somewhere parents didn’t have the courage to discuss it with newbees. 😉

  17. Well done, Ray. In my experience, I have found the healthiest views on sex to be by the people from the Scandinavian countries. I have had the pleasure of many a lively discussion in the sauna. Of course, the jump into the ice cold water makes the discussion academic. 😀

  18. Love seeing the stigma about sex broken down

  19. Was amused while reading this.

  20. floatinggold says:

    The ritual from Java got me wondering…
    Thanks for the life hack. Posing as a sexologist sounds like a great idea indeed!

  21. Kris says:

    I absolutely enjoyed this. I could see you on a plane discussing your ‘career’ with your fellow fliers and I laughed.
    In the church youth group I worked in ages past, there was a sheltered daughter who decided that French Kissing was oral sex. She was over 18, I opted to close my eyes and hope she mentioned it to her parents. Scary-
    The pheromones also made me laugh. From sexual antics to sniffing baby butts to see if they need changed. Life’s a circle….

  22. Yet we don’t speak of it openly…Just saying the word gives us shivers.

  23. aquibview says:

    Actually many people like we in our curriculum have been “educated” about these, one can Can be utmost literary sound but lest educated .. Sex education we all know we all are the product of this natural phenomenon, that’s why sex EDUCATION is necessary … The problem lies unfortunately in most advanced (pun intended) like America etc, I see you tube cat calling girls, I never been to these countries but I feel Sexual molestation and women security is a big issue therr, on the stats it’s horrific .. I don’t wanna talk about these… Talking sex(imagine your parent talking about sex) I think won’t do anything or make any difference , educating about sex will do… 😀😀😅😅.. Have a great day..

    • I agree with u on “sex education is needed”, especially in XXI bcz it sells everywhere and young ppl get wrong idea about sex very early..
      I love to talk sex tho…it’s fun. But men usually too shy to talk as I do haha even here in Europe:)

  24. HemasSphere says:

    Interesting read. ☺

    I am relatively new to blogging.
    Just 3 posts old here. I am working on a series of 5 and the 4th post is on the way here.Would be glad if you could drop by my blog.

  25. Diana says:

    Great post and I enjoyed this one. In my part of the world, people don’t really talk much about sex, well unless in the company of peers. The stats are probably the same so a lot of action but not talking 🙂 Introducing yourself as a sexologist sounds so funny. I should try it someday just to watch people get really uncomfy since that would be the most likely scenario 😀

    • Yes it’s usually a tabu, especially for women bcz if she talks about sex (just talks) that means this is what she dreams about and nothing more. Plus of coz she’s a slut. So we have to be careful tho who we r talking to…😂😉👋✌️

  26. chimdelu2 says:

    Nice topic we all shy away from it but do it in secret😍😍

  27. I think that the more it is out in the open the better. Shadows and fear create disorders. It’s biological, and pleasure able. Not to mention it’s association with power and money. It should be as core to education as any other theme.

  28. Jade Lianne says:

    I loved this post, it’s such an interesting topic expecially as we are in a society that’s supposedly a lot more ‘open’

  29. Unoma B says:

    Great article…
    Formicophilia..😭 Gross.
    Sexologist in London? Lol.

    And anoda outta dis world featured pix😊

  30. wlancehunt says:

    Great mood. And you barely brushed the outer edges of fetishism and cultural habits. Reminds me of a quote from Lawrence Durrell:
    [f]ive races, five languages, a dozen creeds…But there are more than five sexes and only demotic Greek seems to distinguish among them. The sexual provender which lies to hand is staggering in its variety and profusion. You would never mistake it for a happy place. The symbolic lovers of the free Hellenic world are replaced here by something different, something subtly androgynous, inverted upon itself. The Orient cannot rejoice in the sweet anarchy of the body—for it has outstripped the body…Alexandria [is] the great press of love; those who [emerge] from it [are] the sick men, the solitaries, the prophets—I mean all who have been deeply wounded in their sex (Justine 14).

  31. I read a story in Penthouse Forum magazine where a woman stripped naked and covered her body in honey and then laid out on her balcony so flies could stimulate her private parts, but I had no idea that this abnormal sexual desire actually had a name. Flies are such disgusting creatures, I really can’t stand them and I would never even think about being involved in any type of formicophilia with them. There are definitely a lot of sickos out there.

  32. TrintityChi says:

    Ahh, the sexologist tip is awesome! And really no ethical concerns there; I mean you are a sexologist if you say you are, right? 🙂

  33. maestraeros says:

    As a writer of erotica, I’ve asked the same question. I do enjoy the conversations that develop when I toss social constructs out the window and mix things up by getting all biblical with people on the topic of sex. With all those begats, sex was happening everywhere! Hehehe

  34. The Commoner says:

    Society (depending where you are) suppresses primal urges…including fucking.

  35. Sex wouldn’t be half as fun if it wasn’t taboo though, right?! <3

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