You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.
Continue sharing some critique on my books. First one, for my debut #ya novel Dulcinea and The Death Code.
1. I think, overall, I would simplify the beginning more, shorten it, you need to have some tension and plot points pre fifty pages, and you are right on the bubble. This wasn’t a bad introduction (start) by any means, I think it did really well explaining some of the setting and plot points, but it just wasn’t quite enough.
2. Pacing is an essential component of a book, and let me tell you, the pacing was fast, really fast, which is a great way of captivating the reader, but there was really no concept of time. Create a better timeline that readers can follow (this all seemed so fast, it felt like it happened in a week: maybe it did, but maybe it didn’t). Readers need something concrete to help them get a firmer grasp on when everything is taking place.
3. With the pacing, comes chapters and chapter breaks. I don’t have much to say here, I think your breaks were in good spots, the chapters were good lengths, the only thing I would suggest is adding some tension at the end of the chapters, even just occasionally, this will push your reader to keep reading.
In order to hook your readers, I would suggest making THE moment happen much sooner.
4. I absolutely love your tone and voice, it is quirky and fun, and I really think that readers will love this. I found that your voice was strong and constant from beginning to end, normally I find several issues when it comes to this, but I was really surprised and happy with it!
5. This is a very character driven story, and I think it worked really well, I think that your character had growth, and the transition of personalities was done really well. I think all of your characters were sting in their development.
6. I spoke a little about tension above, and I think the book needs more of it, make the stakes higher for all parties involved. Make the reader nervous at times. Remember, if your character can walk away from a problem, your reader can walk away from the book. A great formula to use is to set up your character’s ethical and moral limits early on, show what they will not do, and then put them in a place where they have to do the thing they said they would never do. The key here is that they HAVE to do it, there isn’t the option of walking away.
Essentially, this story does have tension, but it seems so condensed and comes in bursts, I would work on spreading it out more, and introducing some the these elements sooner rather than later.
7. I liked your dialogue, I think the actual words spoken worked well and it flowed really nice. It sounded natural, almost too natural, and I think it is important to differentiate more in the voices between your characters, the characters can get muddled; either be clearer when marking the character speaking or create different tones for different characters.
8. This is an editor’s note but you did have some repetition. There were a few one liners and excessive words. It is important not to “insult” the reader by over explaining.
9. I really liked the ending, it had action and it was concise, so often authors overextend everything, and make sure all loose ends are tied up with a bow, you didn’t do that, you leave it to the reader to really let the ending sink in and leave some up to the imagination. I think it was incredibly smart to end with things mostly wrapped up, that way it could be picked up as a novel but then shifted into a series if that is the direction your agents want you to go. Overall, I liked the ending a lot and you set yourself up for success.
10. I found your use of several different fonts and lists and graphics to be fun and refreshing, but it did bring me back to a more middle grade feel and tone.
Seems it was a cool ending, and I added it only 1 week before publishing the novel 😂😂
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Also sharing one review on my “Absurd” book.
I liked the expression ‘MISH-MASH of literary vomit’ – truly hilarious 😂. I promise to use it in some of my stories in book 2.
If I could give this, ‘whatever it was supposed to be’, no stars, I would. It was however rude, vulgar, idiotic, yet not in a humorous way by even an iota of truth.
The title does not even give it justice except perhaps the word absurd. Why the author (and I use the term lightly if this tone is any indication of her writing ability) would think this was publishable to the common man or woman’s sensibilities is beyond me. This by far is the stupidest thing I have ever read, and I’ve read a lot, believe me.
I cannot even find the proper words to describe this mish-mash of literary vomit.
Would I recommend it?
What do you think…
I think he is simply recommending it by writing such amazing review, because, well, I’d be curious 😉 to check it out.
Have a good day ahead! And always remember, some people will love it – some people will hate it. That’s what makes the world go round…
Next post – “The Pearl Territory”, ch 16 #dialogue