Private Journal #login – Boulder Jakobs
Nothing lasts forever. Including the Earth, human body and our precious, immortal soul that we used to hold so dearly. I’ve had to learn the hard way. We’ve studied how to replace hearts, how to wire brains, how to get away from the aching pain of grief and loss – but somehow failed to create the one thing we really needed for human survival – another Earth.
So here we are, on Mars.
‘What do I like about Mars?’ you ask. Well, not to be – for a lack of words – an asshole… but absolutely nothing. The Mars that we once read about in books doesn’t exist. It’s not what we thought it would be. It’s a place where we are fighting every second of every day for the equal space to exist and breathe, to become better and more successful, to create more advancements, to simply survive and follow the rules. It’s like we brought all the negatives from Earth and none of the positives. Damn. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.
Some Martian rules are:
- You are not allowed to switch off the lights when you are sleeping if you didn’t pray with a pastor Hoff (#advancedway).
- You are not allowed to smile in public places. Yeah, you read that right.
- You are not allowed to start a conversation with an “advanced” human until he or she gives you a sign to talk.
- You are not allowed to use a hoop without recommendation from the BioTech Circle. AKA the “know it alls”, apparently. Like they know what’s good for every single person on the planet.
Oh right, I guess I should explain what a hoop is. Basically, it’s some kind of artificial organism that sucks out your bad, pessimistic or painful memories, leaving only the happy ones. GOD BLESS A HOOP! I’ve only used it once, but what a blissful experience. It’s like your own personal little getaway from this messed up reality we’re living in now.
I lost everything I loved: my son, my wife, my dreams – Mars took all of that away from me. I don’t dream anymore. I lost that blessing awhile ago. Now, I just use the little advantages that the red planet can provide to me. I fuck, work, fuck again, work again. A vicious cycle…
Am I happy? I sure AM. I have to be. If you aren’t happy enough they’ll move you to Junk Circle. That means the end of your existence, basically. So maybe I’ve just grown more accustom to faking it.
I don’t hate the “advanced”, I think they’re useful. I think what I hate more is the people who create them, who craft their brain into having the wrong attitudes, morals and values, who teach them that they are better beings than we are. It’s not their fault. But no one goes out of their way to stand up or do anything about it, either.
Yeah, this is our Mars.
Or what we made of it, that is.
I know Pain’s secret. I’m not sure how many people are aware about her power. Considering her attitude and amount of friends on Mars – probably no-one. I’d like to have a power too.. Or a time machine.
Pain is difficult. She reminds me a bit of my wife. She’s the first one who gave me the nickname of Bou. From then on, it’s stuck. Now everyone on Mars calls me that. She’s realistic in her way of thinking and never follows protocol. I can’t help but wonder if she’s faking it – her happiness. Every once and awhile, when I crack a joke, I see her mouth curve up into what could be a start of a smile. I like to imagine she’d have a beautiful smile. Her eyes always seemed so distant as if she’s numb to it all.
And now, here we are: exploring Pearl – the land of water. The Planet with a new life. I’m sure of it. It’s the only thing I’ve been sure of in a while. I just have this feeling…in a way, this planet’s given me the slightest bit of hope. That something can change. That there’s something better for us out there.
I know you’re probably thinking, “You are lost, Bou!”
…Aren’t we all?
I know why Pain chose Mimo. Because Mimo is cute (just kidding, somewhat). Bauer is the most balanced, wise and thoughtful among us all. She’d make a great captain one day. Of course, she lacks experience and courage, as she’s the youngest out of all of us, but her brain and analyzing skills make up for it. And the rest of the crew is great too (don’t doubt, ever!). I was sure we’d find something with all of our ‘know-how-experience’ coming together as one.
My first steps on the Pearl reminded me of the lake near my house in Oregon. I was ecstatic. It looked muddy. I hoped to find a fish nibbling at my toes. A planet where I could experience even the slightest similarity to home was a planet worth the exploration. I’d do anything to feel like I’m on Earth again. It’s not just the water, either. According to our readers, we could breathe without our oxygen tubes. I so badly wanted to rip mine off and feel it. Feel the fresh air… I tried to be patient, I didn’t want to screw up anything. I tended to do that sometimes. And Pain trusted me with this mission.
In walking, I suddenly began to sink. I could feel my body, slowly but surely, sinking into this giant mass of water. For a split second, I thought this could be IT. The water cold on my skin. Refreshing. Then I finally snapped out of it and mustered up enough strength to pull myself up. I looked at my Escape Suit as it read “deep”. Well no shit, I thought to myself. I wanted to dive in, but Mimo and Pain didn’t think it was a good idea.
Pain, to everyone’s surprise, got in the water with me. I wondered what her body would feel like immersed in the water. She seemed like she was enjoying it.
Then – it happened.
I don’t even really know what it was. One moment we were all talking to each other, the next – I felt a significant amount of pressure on my entire body. The sense of panic – and I blacked out. All of my past memories came rushing back to me. Memories that I had buried.
I woke up next to Pain. She must have gotten sucked into the water with me. She was already conscious when I woke up. We were surrounded by a long tunnel of greenery.
I was in shock.
This was incredible!!!
I got my E-flashlight and got up to start looking around. My curiosity gets the best of me sometimes. I think it’s one of the reasons Pain decided to bring me along.
…then we saw it – a part of a plant. But it was no ordinary plant. This plant had large, beady eyes. It was making some type of noise too. I looked back at Pain – and for the first time I saw fear strike her face. There was life, after all. But the question is: is this lifeform a friend or an enemy? And where is Mimo? Did she get sucked into this green trap too? I guess there’s only one way to find out.
CHAPTER 1, 2 and a blurb you can find here – Page “The Pearl Territory”
Next post – “When things go wrong” and “I am Brolle”