Luke Holmes (based on the book of John Grisham “Camino Island”)

“Show me a hero, and I’ll write you a tragedy,” – told me once my buddy Scott.
Yeasss, I mean F Scott Fitzgerald.

Luke Holmes isn’t a Fitzgerald, but I’ll tell you: “Show me a crime, and I’ll find you a murderer!” (yeah, yeah, I knew you’ve expected a different kind of quote “Show me a pretty girl, and I’ll undress her in 0,0000000001 millisecond”).

img_0916

The story I’ll tell you today is simple:
Imagine you are hungry af and on your plate -> 5 thieves, 1 female WRITER (aka whore, aka greedy spy, aka average looking bad teacher) and 1 very serious over-social bookseller or DEALER(Rich guy. The rich are always the problem. Thats why I’m always pretending I’m very poor: to stay away from the trouble).

“What? Do I have a penny? If your bra size is bigger than 52I – I do.
Otherwise, grow your titties! Nope. I don’t care if you are a man!”

tumblr_m8ak1ns2dp1qjb5e4o1_500

As a side dish we’ve got a) writers community (those guys doesn’t know a shit about anything. They just wanna write and drink, drink and write. Mostly drink) and b) Secret Service (You name it. Its TOOOO fkn secret to pronounce or even think about it. In our case it will be a hot chick – Elaine).

a3d1c3c48ed5a026d8234002149ce0d3

There’s also a waiter who wanna go home to his 78 cats, Zero girlfriends and a Pizza with a double of everything. He’s hanging over your almost empty plate, because he doesn’t have any patience to wait, all he can think about how to get his hands (I’m sure with lots of bacterias) on those last cents in your pocket (someone’s gonna pay for the meal and that person is Never Luke Holmes. Did you forget the guy is too poor? Ok, ok…unless titties involved!)

Do you know what Luke Holmes think when he sees the hands of a waiter?
Lucky bacterias – every day freaking paaartttyy!

The waiter is our best “thriller writer alive”  =  John Grisham.

So what really happened and why Luke Holmes had been called by Scott (from the grave…not so peaceful place I guess) to solve the robbery!

Of course I said – “YES”! BUT…
when I’ve realized I have to find a couple of old notes and not a couple of pretty panties – I got a myocardial infraction. Huge One! (lasted only 3 seconds but it was 2 seconds longer than the last time. A really bad sign!).

But ok, the notes are valued at 25 million, maybe if I’ll find the guy who is keeping them – I’ll get those deserved 70% (why 70? because I’m going to keep my mouth shut. We, “Holmses” also wanna get rich once in a while…)

So who’s the bad guy? On the plate?
Still unsure?
Step one in my “Holmsy book”: always follow the whore. 

She’s going to drag you to the bad guy. Because she’ve got an itch (in the right place). Secret Service asked her to help them with a bookseller aka DEALER. They’ve suspected him, but had no proof that the manuscripts were hidden under his bookshop.  

And there she was. Flashing a smile and dreaming about getting into “Special Tower Room” (the DEALER was also a secret porn star), where she’d practice each Kama-Sutra-Move on his ‘senior’-body.

tumblr_p2apf7zula1wolfh3o1_400

What about the book she supposed to be writing? I don’t know. She’s such a workaholic!!! She usually open her laptop, look at a blank screen (sometimes managing to type “Chapter One”), and dream about “The ROOM”. Oh, girls…

To make a long story short: I’ve met a dealer. He’ve tried to flirt with me, but you know the rule “the work is above everything, unless…”)

qdxjg

He told me to kill the Elaine, the Whore and John Grisham  if I want an equal share.

Luke Holmes: “Let me tweet to my mom”
Dealer: Wait. I lied. I was never serious about John Grisham.
Luke Holmes: I’ll kill 1 thief. I’ll take 70% for that.
Dealer: Please hear me out…
Luke Holmes: I’m also would like to meet the Writer-girl. In the ROOM. And I’m very hungry. So I’ll just listen until I’m not hungry anymore and that means…
Dealer: Here’s the check.

How sweet. I like that.

Life is indeed good…today. And yours? Looking for any Holmes-help?


Monday – Award-questions, Tuesday – The Book Review 

Blogging

Victoria Ray NB View All →

Living in Sweden. Awesome. Happy. Writing. Ayurvedic food. Healthy lifestyle. Dogs. Literature. Drawing. Meditation/Yoga.

31 Comments Leave a comment

  1. Humorous almost stream of consciousness. I like the cameos by famous authors. Looking forward to the next Luke post.

    As a dude, I am mesmerized by the lady fondling her breasts. Thanks for including that gif.

    • I’m writing young adult fiction lol I know nothing about young adult fiction…gosh I’m scared its gonna be too erotical haha (just kidding, no erotic there), it is sci fi, mystery.
      mmmm.probably in my own way. In general just a nice story lol about the death. Not sure it is good idea to write about the death for a young adults :/
      fuck I DONT KNOW hahahaha
      but I’m just writing it. still on chapel 6.

      • Hahaha – sounds like maybe you should upgrade it to older adult fiction. 🙂
        Your themes would be quite … hot for a younger audience.
        They say that people should write what they know so I’m assuming that you know a lot about these things … right?
        F**k it – just keep writing – you’ll be fine.

      • Lol 😂
        First of all – there’s zero erotic in those 6 chapters I already finished so it will YOUNG ADULT :))
        Yeah, it’s always been easy to write about sex or erotic but simply bcz I never think about it on daily basis. That’s why I see it as a double fun 🙂 I guess I have it in me somewhere but in my life I’m “too normal” = sane = not crazy or mad = know nothing about erotica 😂😂
        It goes up & down…I love different themes as u see 🙂 I’ve started from poetry by the way 😬

      • Hahaha – that’s funny! 😀
        You said “know nothing about erotica” closely followed by “It goes up & down”, which is as beautiful a couple of sentences as I have seen all day! 😀
        So when are we going to see this book released then?

      • I’ve seen February.
        I’ve seen March.
        Now I’ve seen May-June. Lady – you need to get your ass in gear (let me know if you’d like me to draw you a diagram of that). 😀

      • They say that ‘familiarity breeds contempt’. I’ve always understood that to mean that when people get to know each other more they start to say things to each other that are not as ‘respectful’ as they should be. Really, I said the wrong thing. You’re right- it was a kind of mockery (jokey comment) but the kind that friends make with each other and understand because they know that the other is sure of the friendship. I overstepped my bounds by assuming that a few exchanges on social media made us into friends. I know now that this is not true – we are not even at the stage of … proto-friends. I would like to be your friend but I know that I need to work a lot harder for this to be so. I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you – to come from Russia, live in Sweden and write a blog in English that is entertaining, funny and bright (yes – bright). I could not do that. I can’t imagine how I would even start. Please don’t be disheartened by what I said to you. I am sincere and yet not as mature as I could be.
        Kindness – Robert.

%d bloggers like this: