Based on the article of Glenn McDonald, ‘Science’ magazine
Let’s start with some numbers. According to the government’s most recent major survey of sexual behaviour in USA: 94% of women and 92% of men ( ages 18-44) have engaged in heterosexual intercourse in their lives; 87% (both genders) have engaged in oral sex; 17% of women and 6% of men reported same-sex contact in their lifetimes.
Thats A LOT of sex!
So we like sex, we’re good at sex, we want sex, we just don’t like to talk about it. We don’t want to talk about “how”, “where” and “when”. Not only the quality, but the quantity is a difficult subject as well.
Yes, of course, it is complicated.
For us, humans, sex is NOT just a biological (reproductive) act. Just imagine how many kids we’d make if each time we’d jump on the bed with a hope to make one more baby. No, sex for us is tied into all sorts of emotions and relationships.
Sex for us is ->>> emotion!
So when we say “SEX”, it’s not just about genital contact, it’s about ALL -> pleasure, jealousy, love, self-esteem, health, depression, sadness, laugh and so on.
Augustin Fuentes, an anthropologist at the University of Notre Dame says: “If you’re taught that sexuality is a private thing and have to be done in a whispers, then you are likely to develop all sorts of psychological blocks as you grow up.” Anthropologists call it – ENCULTURATION ( formation of values and behaviour appropriate to the surrounding society).
We, humans, are uniquely susceptible to this phenomenon. Just think: humans born with the most undeveloped brain of all mammals.
Our brain grows OUTSIDE.
What you learn and see and feel growing up actually shapes the neutron patterns and structures. So sex is neurobiological thing. Conclusion: we become who we are mostly by “growing up in our culture.”
So even if we try to talk about sex as grown ups no matter how progressive we consider ourselves – we’ll bump into subconscious barriers.
Let’s talk about sex and media!
If we’re so shy about sex, why is it the advertising industry uses it to sell EVERYTHING from cola to clothes? Why the shows, movies, music are packed with sex? You could even fill ‘the country’ with books only on this subject.
The thing is our impulse to use sex in art and media goes back in time (40,000 years ago and more). We feel it is totally okay to mess up a bit with sex in art, music, books, advertising. But… don’t ever try to talk about it!
Conclusion: We are creating sex-barriers because of social, cultural and psychological reasons.
“Why to talk about sex at all?” – you’ll ask.
“Because it can lead to more sex,” – answering scientists.
But in case if you don’t wanna talk, but only “let’s do it” instead, try these interesting suggestions:
It is a celebration on the island of Java. The rules: you are going to the hilltop, making a wish and engaging in sex with a stranger. To ensure good luck you have to repeat it 7 times during the year. Each time – the same partner you met at the hilltop.
Remark: it shouldn’t be your gf/bf or spouse.
Looovvveeeellyyy!!! Ah, I see you are already packing to Java!
Its a group of people (worldwide) who practice sex by having ants, spiders and cockroaches (or any other insects) crawl over the body and bite. How’s that? Ready? Go go go! You first!
Just sniff anonymized/used clothes and if you like how it smells – you’ll be introduced to the owner of the clothes … How sweet! Can imagine that tired red nose…sniffing around too much?
Life hacks: if you want to talk about sex with a strangers, tell them you are a sexologist/ur job/ (I did couple of times on my travel to London)…oh what a stories you’ll hear, haha 🙂 133 ideas for the new books!
Photo – Sergey Ishmaev