Each of us exists in a complex of many kinds of silence…
The book “The Mother Of All Questions” is a collections of essays, mainly focused on the discussions of human rights, feminism, gender, happiness, writing, violence, men and a power.
‘There’s no good answer to how to be a woman,’ – says the author. You just IS. But in the eyes of our society and most of the men there’s only one proper way for a woman to live: reproductive.
That is usually the first question men ask you if you are a woman. No, that’s not anyone’s business, but if you don’t have kids there’s always next question: why? You may also treated as a criminal if you can’t properly answer to “why”.
‘What is the point to live at all? You are a woman.’
Our culture is obsessed with a question: ARE YOU HAPPY? Happiness described for us as a line of:
a) having a spouse
c) private property
d) erotic experiences
c) successful job
But the world is full of people who have it all, but still feeling miserable. Because THERE’s NO ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL formulas. For one – that formula can become a prison, for another – liberation. We are given often a single story line, or one plot…which everybody have to follow. Why our society do not allow us to “find another way of telling the story”? The recipes for fulfilment seems to cause a great deal of unhappiness in us, humans. But we continue, quietly, in silence.
“…there’re so many silences to be broken” Audre Lorde
We are forgetting that sometimes silence equals death. It is the ocean of unsaid, repressed and unheard voices. The voice create a story. And each story has a place in a society.
Think “slavery”, think “genocide”, think “povetry”, think “violence and rape”, think “discrimination”. Thats is a great silencing, the universal condition of oppression.
The book is telling the stories of rapes, sexual assaults, abusing kids, killed freedoms and voices. How and why the “rape culture” became epidemic in XXI? (by the way only 2% reports are false, that means 98% of them are true). What makes us abuse, rape and kill each other? Is it hate? Sometimes it feels like our society, every aspect of it, is riddled with violence, or build on hate.
Silences build atop silences, a city of silence that wars against stories. The citizen of the city silencing themselves to be accepted by the silenced. People offering their silence to each other and at the end all we have is people who hear no one, not even themselves.
A great article in the book -> about Isla Vista massacre 23 May 2014. To tell you honestly, made me cry. We say a murderer took another’s life. To TAKE is to take a possession of. It is to steal, to assume a privilege of an owner, to dispose of someones else’s life itself as though it were yours to do so. It never is.
91% americans killed by guns every day, 12 000 gun homicides a year in the US. This is the literal WAR, happening just outside of your windows.
I know the position “it’s not the gun that wounds or kills, it’s the person holding it”, or “the guns will make us safer” or “look, I am a good guy with a gun – I’m going to stop a bad one”… My questions are: do we need more gunmen – heroes? Have you ever seen one hero on the street? No. But still homicides, suicides, and horrible accidents when small kids find the guns and shoot friends, parents – happen incessantly!
The most horrible thing about the gun: it is being an alpha, being in control, the same old impossible macho dream of being, the icon of identity.
We all understand – there’s no easy solution in this question. But I’m telling you, I’d be fkn scared to know that my neighbour (engineer) is keeping a gun under his pillow…
Let’s get back to the women.
The book is filled with a real stories about women. Btw, Rebecca Solnit is mentioning also: “To be Black and a woman is a double duty’, which is sad but true.
“When a woman says something that impugns a man, particularly one that at the heart of status Quo, especially if it has to do with sex, the response will question not just the fact of her assertion, but her capacity/and right to speak about it.”
During many generations we’ve been told that women are delusional, confused, malicious, conspiratorial, congenitally dishonest, often all at once. Yes, we are imagining things! We are the liars! We should be quiet and listen to alpha.
You are going to tell me now, that #NOTALLMEN are like that.
Of course not all men, but still all women are at a gunpoint.
Of course not all men commit these crimes, but the point is that all women are impacted by them. Blame-the-victim is working pretty well and applied in each situation if the victim is a woman.
Globally 38% of all women murdered are killed by their intimate partners (World Health Organisation Study).
Let me tell the story how I’m facing #notall- problem regularly. Some of the men who’s visiting my page – to check daily on Victoria (because they think: “hey, how she’ll survive without our daily care, right?”) are belong to those type of #notallmen. They are probably a good fathers and caring husbands or maybe a really good friends, but not when they come to my page. Here they are:
1 Unhappy, 1 Too worried, 1 Judge and 1 Sheriff.
They are unhappy about my “book” – I didn’t write it yet (how could you??!!), they are too worried about the quality of my content (what? posting daily??..wow, thats so unusual!!), they are judging you for the level of your humour (gosh, it’s too loooow, we are talking about high matters and here you are with your bullshit) and, of course, those who want to find out what is happening with my sex life and why am I writing the way I am writing.
“Its a fiction, bro!” –
“No way, but you’ve tried that all before, right?
Tell me more, describe the positions..”
And when they are done here, those #notallmen…- they go back to their “great amazing happy” lives.
I have to mention that no woman ever done that to me on wordpress. I guess we, women, should not only take care about the World, Men, Food, Houses, Work, but also be happy online to make a fkn good balance in this internet-world.
Rebecca Solnit is an American writer. She has written on a variety of subjects, including the environment, politics, place and art. Solnit is a contributing editor at Harper’s Magazine, where bi-monthly she writes the magazine’s “Easy Chair” essay.