“Show me a hero, and I’ll write you a tragedy,” – told me once my buddy Scott.
Yeasss, I mean F Scott Fitzgerald.
Luke Holmes isn’t a Fitzgerald, but I’ll tell you: “Show me a crime, and I’ll find you a murderer!” (yeah, yeah, I knew you’ve expected a different kind of quote “Show me a pretty girl, and I’ll undress her in 0,0000000001 millisecond”).
The story I’ll tell you today is simple:
Imagine you are hungry af and on your plate -> 5 thieves, 1 female WRITER (aka whore, aka greedy spy, aka average looking bad teacher) and 1 very serious over-social bookseller or DEALER(Rich guy. The rich are always the problem. Thats why I’m always pretending I’m very poor: to stay away from the trouble).
“What? Do I have a penny? If your bra size is bigger than 52I – I do.
Otherwise, grow your titties! Nope. I don’t care if you are a man!”
As a side dish we’ve got a) writers community (those guys doesn’t know a shit about anything. They just wanna write and drink, drink and write. Mostly drink) and b) Secret Service (You name it. Its TOOOO fkn secret to pronounce or even think about it. In our case it will be a hot chick – Elaine).
There’s also a waiter who wanna go home to his 78 cats, Zero girlfriends and a Pizza with a double of everything. He’s hanging over your almost empty plate, because he doesn’t have any patience to wait, all he can think about how to get his hands (I’m sure with lots of bacterias) on those last cents in your pocket (someone’s gonna pay for the meal and that person is Never Luke Holmes. Did you forget the guy is too poor? Ok, ok…unless titties involved!)
Do you know what Luke Holmes think when he sees the hands of a waiter?
Lucky bacterias – every day freaking paaartttyy!
The waiter is our best “thriller writer alive” = John Grisham.
So what really happened and why Luke Holmes had been called by Scott (from the grave…not so peaceful place I guess) to solve the robbery!
Of course I said – “YES”! BUT…
when I’ve realized I have to find a couple of old notes and not a couple of pretty panties – I got a myocardial infraction. Huge One! (lasted only 3 seconds but it was 2 seconds longer than the last time. A really bad sign!).
But ok, the notes are valued at 25 million, maybe if I’ll find the guy who is keeping them – I’ll get those deserved 70% (why 70? because I’m going to keep my mouth shut. We, “Holmses” also wanna get rich once in a while…)
So who’s the bad guy? On the plate?
Step one in my “Holmsy book”: always follow the whore.
She’s going to drag you to the bad guy. Because she’ve got an itch (in the right place). Secret Service asked her to help them with a bookseller aka DEALER. They’ve suspected him, but had no proof that the manuscripts were hidden under his bookshop.
And there she was. Flashing a smile and dreaming about getting into “Special Tower Room” (the DEALER was also a secret porn star), where she’d practice each Kama-Sutra-Move on his ‘senior’-body.
What about the book she supposed to be writing? I don’t know. She’s such a workaholic!!! She usually open her laptop, look at a blank screen (sometimes managing to type “Chapter One”), and dream about “The ROOM”. Oh, girls…
To make a long story short: I’ve met a dealer. He’ve tried to flirt with me, but you know the rule “the work is above everything, unless…”)
He told me to kill the Elaine, the Whore and John Grisham if I want an equal share.
Luke Holmes: “Let me tweet to my mom”
Dealer: Wait. I lied. I was never serious about John Grisham.
Luke Holmes: I’ll kill 1 thief. I’ll take 70% for that.
Dealer: Please hear me out…
Luke Holmes: I’m also would like to meet the Writer-girl. In the ROOM. And I’m very hungry. So I’ll just listen until I’m not hungry anymore and that means…
Dealer: Here’s the check.
How sweet. I like that.
Life is indeed good…today. And yours? Looking for any Holmes-help?
Monday – Award-questions, Tuesday – The Book Review