blogging

Trapped in lifts

1 january 2018. Female version.

The lift got stuck between the 13th and 14th floor. It was just me and a guy who was absolutely high.

Man(in the corner, smoking): “You know, my soul mate died in 1935.”
Me: “That sounds horrible. But we are in 2018 now and we stuck in the lift on New Years morning.”
Man: “Thats why I’m looking for a new one, sexy thing…”
Me (pushing the alarm button): “First – I ain’t your soul mate. OK?! Second – You don’t know shit, asshole. Third – I’m an introvert and that means I’m not here to talk, or for a mate-searching or for proposal. And wanna chat? There’s a wall behind ya. And even if we were all paired at random I would never! Do you hear? NEVER…” (breathing heavily)
Man (undressing, slowly): “Well daaaammmnnn, lets dance salsa then. Lift is the ideal place to practise salsa…2 left, 1 left-right, babe.”

His iPhone shouted “Despacito”:

Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote
Tengo que bailar contigo hoy…

Me (screaming): “Help! I am stuck with a terrorist! And I am deaf! And he’s naked! And I can not, please, I can’t.”

Vi que tu mirada ya estaba llamándome
Muéstrame el camino que yo voy

Man (after a few steps body2body): Mmmm, so incredibly small butt.
Me: Small? Smaaaaalll? Its in a perfect shape! (proudly)
Man: Can I see it? Where’s my Mister Magnifier?

I’ve resisted with all my heart…but his Magnifier was too strong.


1 january 2018. Male version.

I got stuck in the lift with a female, on New Year’s morning after a crazy party at my friends house. After pressing the alarm button several times, I came to the conclusion that no one was going to come in a hurry. So we’ve chatted for around 35-40 minutes.
Luckily I was able to control my bladder for the entire duration.
Thats why nothing sexual happen, but I’ve been asked to check her bra size. And I did. I was scared to be raped off if I’d say “no”. Have you seen her? Big chick! She took all the space in the lift. And all the air.
After about 2 hours, one of us finally realised we aren’t meant to be.
When the lift operators came I could not wait for them to work on it, despite them requesting me to be patient. Yes, it’s true I’ve instantly screamed: “Save me, please!”
We were eventually released but not before she had been violently
asking: “Rip my clothes off, James, spin me around, grab my hair” and, as well, sucking my finger several times! I’ve decided to forget all what happened and even moved out from the house on the next day.

P.S. No, I never played Despacito. I had 0,5 % mobile phone charge.

giphy

Advertisements

17 replies »