Who lies for you will lie against you. Bosnian Proverb
I have to admit I’ve lied to you. And I know it doesn’t surprise you, people, but I have been lying my entire life and it had to become ‘normality’ to me and I only realised I actually had a problem when I’ve met the love of my entire life, Victoria’s Secret Model.
We met just over a week ago and today I broke her heart because I had lied to her so so so many times, and she found out about all of them at once. What? What’s her name?
Lin..da? Me…linda? I’m not sure. Simply because I’m too fkn stressed right now. And aren’t they all beautiful? Pick any.
When we first met she said to me there is only 1 thing I ask of you, Lui (she call me Lui, because I told her I’m from a french-royal-line) and that is never to lie to me about your bank account!
I told her: “Of course, baby, my bank account is “stagnating” right now, because I didn’t know what to do with all my billions-trillions. But now I see very clearly how I can spend them! On you!” Oh, man…she put me up on a pedestal and texted me each hour: “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me!” Now “Are” became “Was”, because my Mastercard couldn’t afford to buy her a latte.
I’m too sad. I’m crying rivers and I’ve started to follow her everywhere she goes/in the last 12 hours/. And honestly, I’m completely lost. I couldn’t find her on the podium. It was 23 girls there, cat-walking in invisible thongs and they all looked exactly like my “Linda/or Melinda”.
My first instinct was to marry all of them. But then I imagined how much would cost the divorce and …I’ve started to HOWL.
In that moment Mr Armani or Gucci came forward to me and shouted: “Nuff, dress up for a walk, Melinda!” I honestly told him that I’m a guy, but he laughed (even after I’ve proudly showed him my 1-in3-pack). Eh, I couldnt’ loose the love of my life over stupid misunderstanding so I’ve dressed up and went out into the lights to ‘conquer the world’. But because I am a real man…I couldn’t hide it. Too difficult between almost naked beauties. That ‘walk’ was truly the hardest thing I have ever been through.
Right now I’m suffering with “I want to have them all-syndrom” and it is only making me feel shittier. I can’t take the stress anymore. I think I’m going to write a book about that. What do you think? I want my Linda to be proud of who I am. I love her with all my heart and just want to stop disappointing her and also my bank account, my royal family and you, my fans.
Luke, soon to-be-a-writer.
Most of us lie because it is our last resort to get out of any