Zoo “Heaven”

I’d like to start this post with a story from “A Writer’s Workbook”:

“One afternoon I was sitting at home staring at a wall and decidedly not writing when I received a telephone call. This particular call was from my good friend Joe, himself a writer. As it turned out, Joe was also sitting at home that day, also staring at a wall, and also decidedly not writing. 
“Let me pose a hypothetical question,” he began. 
“Certainly!” I settled in for a delightful episode of procrastination.
“What would you rather do?” Joe asked. “Would you rather wash all your dirty laundry, run it through the drier, fold it, put it all away in your drawers, and then take those same clean clothes out of your drawers, unfold them, and wash them all over again…or would you rather spend the same amount of time writing?”
“LAUNDRY,” I replied without hesitation. “I would definitely do the laundry twice.”
Joe’s question brought up one of the more interesting features about writing; namely, how much we hate it.”

Ok…I’m not a writer, but I would definitely do the laundry, people. Twice. HaHa. And now the story. Inspired by Rincewinds Pin Ups, classics – Click Here

The true man wants two things: danger and play.
For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Scene 1.

Alma 1: It was an honour  to raise your soul, Rincewind. We did our best. Incubator 2016 can be proud of you. Today you’ll become a man.
Rincewind: Thank you, Father.
Alma 2: OMG!. You are 1001 year old. The perfect age to transform and understand what we are and why we plunged into the Matter.
Rincewind: To produce the radioactive aroma. To save the lost souls. This is what they are telling us about the first wave. When is the first wave, Father?
Alma 2: It is happening now. Everywhere. At the end when all will be completed, all souls will be equal absolutely.
Alma 1: But from now on…remember, even if this is the normal process – choose your next step carefully.
Rincewind: I will, Father.

Year 3017. The world is the Kingdom of Matter: with your brain print as a password, holidays on the moon, floating houses, incubator-kids and chosen personalities.
The world 3017 is the world without the women.

Scene 2:

High Matter : 375 boys. They become real men tomorrow. I want you to prepare a good program for them. How many left in the incubator?
Superintendent of World-Incubator: Right now – 11. One of them is a girl.
High Matter: Kill the girl. The rest – send to the Liberation Garden.
Superintendent: Shouldn’t we send her to Zoo Heaven as the others…Isn’t it, mmm, unfair?
High Matter: Unfair? Absurd! It’s called – the law. It’s called – civilisation. To be honest, nothing is fair. It isn’t fair that your immortality was ripped off from you. Right? We are here to get it back, for all of us! Life is cruel, heartless, painful, disappointing and simply awful. But I’m a big believer in our civilisation and our rules… Kill the girl. 

Scene 3:

Two boys in the room.

Rincewind: Tomorrow I’ll become a real member, – a new Alma.
Khul: Going to the Zoo?
Rincewind: Yeah…
Khul: Scared?
Rincewind: No. Why?
Khul: I’ve heard many lost their minds after Zoo and now their ‘remains’ are hidden in the depths of the Liberation Garden, because of the destructive energy they were spreading around…

Scene 4.

Zoo Officials

The room is one huge perfect magazine cover. With pin up posters around. The couch is cream but inlaid with a fine green silk; leaves embroidered so delicately that they might have landed there in spring and just sunk in, but I guess they took hundreds of hours to sew. The white curtains are linen, the kind of white that is untouched by hands and devoid of dust. There are no bookshelves, no tables, only the chairs arranged around the bespoke fireplace which leaps with a green flame. The photographs are colourful, alive, spreading an invisible Hello around the space. The floor is a high polished wood, dark and free of either dust or clutter. “Welcome to Zoo Officials. Today you’ll meet a woman, a female human…” – said our guide.


Scene 5.

Rincewind: They aren’t real.
Khul: Who?
Rincewind: Women. It was only their posters around. Called pin ups. So beautiful…
Khul: What is ‘women”?
Rincewind: Mmmm…its kind of men, with a two big reproduction organs on their chest.
Khul: On their chest?
Rincewind: Yeah, I think you have to suck them.
Khul: The world before ‘High Matter’ was totally nuts. I don’t wanna suck any reproduction organs.
Rincewind: As I understood it gives lots of pleasure.
Khul: To whom? To those animals?
Rincewinds: But they are only on the posters. I’ll show you…I stole one.


Rincewind: What do you know about Zoo Heaven?
Khul: I don’t know. I’ve heard they are living there… those ‘things’ you’ve just described, with big organs on the chest. But hopefully it’s only gossips. Burn the poster, if anyone will find out – they’ll send you to the Garden before the Big Day. 

Scene 6.

Private meeting with High Matter.

High Matter: Welcome, number 362. Sit down. What you’d like to do in the future, Rincewind? You are big enough to choose your path.
Rincewind: I’d like to work at the Zoo Heaven.
High Matter: It requires a lot of training. And you’ll spend all your life at the Zoo, you wont be allowed to see your fathers, or friends or visit us.
Rincewind: Why?
High Matter: Because this is how it works, you’ll be …feeling like you are being stuck in the jam. You’ll feel lost, in doubt. We don’t want to spread the diseases from Zoo Heaven on this beautiful world. 
Rincewind: Are they real? The women?


High Matter: Yes. They are.
Rincewind: Where they live? Why we have never seen them?
High Matter: Because they make a slaves from us. Because they want to live in our body.
Rincewind: In my body?
High Matter: Yes. Kind of. And because they want to start a battle and they have too much power over us, men.
Rincewind: …but they look so fragile and sweet on the pictures.
High Matter: Men can not control their own body or thoughts when they are with the women. Women destroyed all civilisations. Women destroyed the men. High Matter destroyed the women. The world doesn’t need them. Women are devils for a mankind. You’ll learn it in the next 1000 years. Now leave … think about your future. You could be a Soul-Righteous at the Bridge to the Moon. Or maybe build the New Souls at Logos?
Rincewind: But I need to find the Omega for that.
High Matter: Khul seems like a good Omega. Its an ultimate journey – to build own Logos. You’d be very happy, Rincewind! Khul will be an amazing Omega. 
Rincewind: I dont know…
High Matter: Take a look at Mars. This is the future for your Logos.
Rincewind: But the women…
High Matter: They’ll be erased to the dust. With all those dumbheads who supports them, Rincewind. Remember the book “End of The World”? “Remains of the oxygen will unite with the iron and the water will dissapear if the women will ever get back to the Space”. We don’t want ruin our Perfect World because of the poster-humans we know only one day? Right, boy?
Rincewind: Yes, High Matter. I’ll go check where Khul is.

Scene 7.

Rincewind: …so you are probably will be my Omega. But I’m not sure yet. I would love to see those creatures alive, – the women.
Khul: What to see? Those ‘things’ are dressed as they are preparing to kill! Forget them, Rinnie. I love you. And not only your planetary body. I’ll never press you to suck anything. And we can raise a beautiful ‘flavours’ for the Logos. Divine souls!
Rincewind: Do you believe in it? Hm. By the way, you don’t have anything to suck, bro. Haha.
Khul: I do.
Rincewind: Prove it!

The end

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her. Mark Twain


18 replies »

  1. 🙂 This made me smile. It’s an interesting thought. But is it our fault that men can’t control themselves, or is it that they are so easily controlled. Not speaking in the sense that this is what I believe about men but in the sense of the theme of your story 😉 Good to see you back. I miss your posts 🙂

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