My dear Bill (Gates, Clinton, Murray, Crystal, Joel, Cosby, O’Reilly, Shakespeare, Thornton, McKinley, H. Macy, Goldberg, Maher etc)
I honestly don’t know where to start, so many wishes I have… Happy Easter by the way!
- I want you to adopt me. Wouldn’t you be so proud to get a smart and beautiful child like me: Luke Bill Copyright-Gates? And let me be honest, my life would be sooooo much easier…
- Girls. Every beautiful girl (by beautiful I mean 90-60-90 with the legs from her ears, huge plate-alike-eyes, zero nose and stuffed lips) – must fall in love with me. And follow my orders. I’m very responsible guy, I don’t want thousands of 2-meters-leggy-blondes running after me. 365 days in a year – 365 girls. I think its fair enough…And yes, I can handle them ALL. Would you like me to prove it? ps. I didn’t know you are so nasty, daddy!
- Money. I’ve counted how much I need for the rest of my life and exact amount is 8430744.57 euro. 0, 57 euro you can leave for yourself (simply like a humble reminder of my generosity), the rest should be send to my hidden Panama-account.
- Nostradamus. Yes, I want to see the future. And I want to be able to make a predictions. Just imagine you open Google and here I am, on each page: “Luke Nostradamus Copyright can show you the perfect place where to hide your diamonds in 2018. Best prediction ever! Hurry!”
- I want to eat as much as I want and always look like …hm, let me think a bit. Best if I’ll send you a picture of 8-pack abs …or maybe 12 pack? Can’t choose.
- Being beyond-smart. I’d like to be the first person on the Earth who could talk all languages. Why? WHYYYYY???? Hm, why… Good question. I don’t know, Billy. Because of the girls? No?
Oh and of course, the most important – I’d like to discover a new planet with a life on it. I’d name it ‘Luke-Super-Willy-Man’. Thats ok if its 434 light-years away. I am ready. Because you are going to make me immortal. If you won’t, – simply forget me, DAD, I’ll take another middle name – Vladimir. Yeah! Scared? So, let’s continue: I want to be the first president of the United Galaxies. Mmmm, – President Luke Clinton De Huge Willy. Freaking aweeeeesooommmeee!
Oh, my dearest future parent, can you organise it?
Love, your soon #adorable child,
PS. Can I hashtag you on insta as #mynewdaddyBill?