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I don’t want to be Dalia, but I am

The post inspired by ‘kinkyacres’ who doesn’t post anything, but hanging around a lot. Thanks for that!
Who is Dalia? She was a simple ‘misspelling’ or ‘autocorrect-misunderstanding’, when we spoke about Dalai Lama. Also ‘kinkyacres’ used the words lion, tortoise and old grumpy fart in the comments. I’ll use them in this play as well. 

A Play with a touch of haiku

Heroes:
Kin-ky – free spirit, odd-enough, wise-enough, smart-enough, honest-enough, gentleman-enough, obsessed with Dalia.
Dalai Lama – is a monk of a “Yellow Hat” school of the Tibetan Buddhism.
Li-on – magnificent beauty, adventurous, athletic, over-dramatic, want to have a good time.
Torto-Ise – à la french, old, a thinker, confident attitude.
Old Grumpy Fart – after a few beers smells and looks gorgeous.

Genre: surreal-satirical-horrific-comedy, with erotical touch (I hope)


Tibet. Village. Evening.
Dalai Lama is sitting and reading the book: “The Religion of Kardashians: How to Achieve Anything You Want in 1 step”.
 Suddenly Dalai Lama sees a strange shadow near his door.

Dalai: Who is there hiding in the darkness? A stranger, a lover, or a killer?
Kin-ky: It’s me. My name is Kin-Ky from the Land of PressWord. I’m looking for the most beautiful soul on our planet and beyond. Her name is Dalia.
Dalai: My child, I’ve never heard about your Dalia, but please, come in and I’ll help you. Let me introduce my daughters. By faith. Girls, time for a quick catwalk, show all you’ve got. No, no. Without bikini.

My eyes on her skin.
Softly falling to get a better view.
Is it a dream?

Kin-ky: The light of your daughters is way too bright for my half-blind eyes. I feel a hunger dancing in my pants..
Li-on: Hungry is ‘good’. We need some ‘harder’ kick tonight. Dalai is always tired.
Torto-Ise: I’d like to book 5 sessions for tomorrow morning. I’ll send you the exact time to your room. (showing all her 355 teeth, smiling) We almost never see new guys in our village.
Kin-ky: You’ll never find a better helper. I was born to help THIS WAY!

The softest whispers
are the loudest ones. Telling all
to my wet sheets.

Next morning. Breakfast-room.

Kin-ky: I had a dream. About my Dalia, the girl who is the most beautiful on Earth, the most kind and …
Dalai: Yes, enough, my child. I told you, it’s only 3 of us here. Take Li-on as your wife. She’s an awesome belly-dancer.
Kin- ky: How do you know?
Dalai: I know it only hypothetically.
Kin – ky (suspiciously): She is too hairy…and I’m a little bit scared to be eaten while peacefully sleeping in my bed.
Dalai: Hm, I find so much enjoyment and pleasure to drown in all those hairs every night. Maybe because I’m bald myself. (“Sigh”)

To be eaten OR
to eat them all. This is the question.
Lets pray for ‘second’.

Kin-ky is alone in the room. The Sound.

Kin-ky: What are you doing here?
Old Grumpy Fart: Just wanted to say “Hello”. I really missed you, Kin-Ky.
Kin-ky: Oh, go away! I can’t keep you here for too long, you’ll scare all the chicks and Dalia as well.
Old Grumpy Fart: Have you found her?
Kin-ky: I wish!
Old Grumpy Fart: sh, shshshshshshshshshshshshshhhhhhhh
Kin-ky: Enough! Too much to bear for my poor, shy soul. Good bye, I’m leaving you. Forever!
Old Grumpy Fart (echoing-farts): ever-ever-ever-everrr

Refreshing and warm.
Love ‘him’ more than you could know.
We are here as one.

Night. Outside of the village. 3 shadows.

Li-on: We can kill and mummify him..
Torto-Ise: Why kill? I’d prefer to keep him close to my bed, in a cage, remember those we saw last sunday at the local market?
Dalai: Girls, girls..do not fight. We’ll share: by cutting him in pieces and each of you will get one.
Li-on and Torto-Ise: You are too kind, as always!
Dalai Lama (blushing): The kindness guides my spirit UP. Now let me show it all in action.

A bird flies sweetly
until he’ve got the wings. Lets cut
With love and care.

The Walk-In Closet of Dalai Lama.

Kin-ky: Wooooowwww, whatcha doing with all these clothes, Dalai?
Dalai: Just trying on when I’m sad and walking with my girls between the hills of our beautiful Tibet. Have you decided about Li-on? If the answer is still ‘no’…take Torto-Ise. She knows how to french-kiss. Too well (sigh)
Kin-ky: No doubt. It’s only 3 of you here.. What else you can do if not a french kissing each other every evening? (sarcastic smile).

French kissing
all ‘sharks’ on the way to my Love.
Extremely slowly.

Kin-ky: I have to thank you, and the answer is no. I’d like to find my pure beauty Dalia. The sun of …
Dalai: Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard all that bullshit before. I’m telling you – she isn’t here. I’d like to get my hands on Dalia as well. Eh.
Kin-ky: I cant live without her.
Dalai: Go read my book “The Art of Happy Nights”. It maybe help you to relax. A lot of pictures there. And about my dresses…if you want to try them – just ask!
Kin-ky: I’m not THAT kinky yet.
Dalai: But seems to me you are the most unhappy creature I’ve ever met. Let me check the letter from your friend one more time.

Dalai, reading loud:
“…and find him, – Lama, the Dalai of all Tibet. His name will bring you the peace, and the love and anything you wish.” Hm, the end.

Kin-ky: I didn’t get it.
Dalai: It says – Dalai. So you just found her. The Dalia of all your dreams. Haha. IS ME.
Kin-ky: I need injection. In my brain. Or better shoot me!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dalai: My child, don’t be so hard on yourself. We all do mistakes. Let me change my dress. No, stay and watch. Stay and watch…

The End.

The best way to love?
Go and visit Dalai. He knows
the way to kindness.

Categories: blogging humor Writing

Tagged as:

raynotbradbury

Living in Sweden. Happy and kind. Russian and #badgram English. Coffee and Tea. Dogs. Coding haha. Web design. Social Media. Fun. Health... everything day by day :)
Пишу на русском и на английском.

50 replies

  1. Such a crazy story! I’m glad you were inspired by Kin-ky to write it. That Dalai/Dalia is awfully kind and generous, yes? And his daughters made me think of the “dakinis” of Tibetan Buddhism (though I only sort-of understand them).

    Also, I wonder if I can get that book (“The Religion of Kardashians: How to Achieve Anything You Want in 1 step”) shipped to me overnight. I cannot wait to read it. It’s just what I need to accomplish my Master Plan.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, a bit crazy 🙂 but most of my stories/plays/poems are…in any case, i think, if it make us smile – its worth it. Dalai is toooooo kind, no doubt in it 🙂 my name is also – Victoria Lama 😂😂👋; about dakinis, yes, I know what u mean. Usually it is a female of the volatile temperament, who act as a muse for spiritual practice. They are object of desires but still cosmic and poetic souls.
      The book? Oh, sold out overnight😬😁 maybe we should check the library next month – I feel the book is going to be a classic of XXI :))

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I suppose it makes sense for a muse not to be entirely ‘safe.’ Whether the practice is spiritual, artistic, etc., we need to be pulled a bit out of our ‘comfort zone’ in order to progress. I like my muses a little dangerous. I think maybe I can even accept a bit of a volatile temperament – after all, perhaps I have some of that myself. 🙂

        I have placed a hold request for the book at my local library, but apparently there’s already a long waiting list…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Agreed, but I like my “comfort zone”…that’s why maybe I’m doing-the-zeros-of-progress 😂. And then I don’t have “muses” :/ hm…but now I’ve got an idea 💡- to describe my muse! Or something similar. Anyway, thx for idea haha I’ll write it down.
        In your writings u r very classic, romantic, sad…flying above kinda soul.
        About the book – they r already writing volume 2,3 & 4! 🙃

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Google…..”Larry’s Bakery” Peachtree City, GA USA and you will see where I get my stash of pastries. Wow! That almost sounded like an order! It wasn’t . Just excited!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I don’t golf!!!! The lake is ok for kayaking and getting your lungs full of fresh air!
        The ‘bakery’ is my staging point for my daily life!
        QUIET is GOOD! “Very Quiet” is very good!
        10:00pm Good Night!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’m living in the quiet place btw…I think many of Swedish cities r quiet. Ppl r always hiding lol inside. I thought u moved to California…or don’t wanna move from ur fav bakery? Haha oki, enjoy ur day..I’m off to bed 🙂 zzzz

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Took a long time to stop laughing! Stomach hurts, EGO hurts, and P***s hurtz!!!
    Thank you Ray!
    What did you have for breakfast???? Oatmeal and M & M’s??
    Cage beside the bed was interesting, however, I’ll pass on the 355 teeth!
    Nibbling can be fun and exciting, but losing an arm to all those teeth……………..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t eat M&Ms…I don’t know why. We never had such kind of sweets when I was a child. And glad u enjoyed the story 😂👋 it was fun to write it 😬☕️ haha you never know about 355 teeth, cuz look at Dalai..the guy is kinda very happy 😛😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. As far as Dalai “being happy”, well, whatever floats his boat!
        I don’t remember when M&Ms came out, however, I can without hesitation say that I carry some in my car at all times!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Sorry, I don’t have your address! Kind of reminds me of years past when picking a girl friend you would say…..Hey little girl, you want some candy? She would usually say NO and slam the car door !
        Let me tell you, life was rough!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. And by the way…you can’t surprise ‘modern girls’ with your ‘candy’ 😂. They want it all: ur 🚗 car, ur M&Ms, ur keys from the 🏡 house..the list is endless haha be ready while out there on the road, Kinky :)) 😬☕️😏😏

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Breakfast is usually 1. Eggs, avocado + chocolate + coffee or 2. Smoothie, chocolate + coffee or 3. Oatmeal (here u r right!!😂) + chocolate (obvious 🙃) + coffee. Sometimes if I run out of coffee – chicory drink lol 😂 or 4. Tuna or beans Salad 🥗 (if not too lazy lol) ✌️😛

      Liked by 1 person

      1. M&Ms – Rebecca like it, she eat them by color 🙂 u probably read it there, on her blog. I know you follow her as well. U r following all hot chicks on WordPress, bad Bad Kin-ky!!!! 😂😂😂👋

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Rebecca I have only read her posts on your blog! “Hot Chicks”???? I believe our definitions of “Hot Chicks” must be different!
        I was not in favor of the daughters of Dalai walking the catwalk without bikini bottoms!
        They might of had dandruff! Then what???

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I dunno…lots of hot girls around. I’m sure u r checking I saw u on Rincewind haha with ur comments 😛😛 About Dalai daughters – good if dandruff and not lice. Interesting, do they have brains..- I mean ‘lice’?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You are not being easy on my stomach muscles! Different kind of stomach ache!
        How can we talk about pastries, lunch, breakfast avocado and LICE!!!
        I truly love, the way you can take and idea, and run it to the extreme!
        We were not ‘eating’ at the time they ‘strutted; their stuff were we???

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I dunno…just saying whats in my head. U said dandruff – I said lice! Pastries r fine, lice doesn’t live there as we all know!! They don’t like 🥑 avocados too (I hope).
        Enough about them…what about you & Larry?? you could be a bakery’s wife! 😂😂😂😂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I am very happy to be following “Hot Chick Ray” for a variety of reasons! You have the ability to take ones mind so many places in a single ‘poem, short story or just stating how your day is going! Sort of reminds me of trying to tackle a billion piece jigsaw puzzle! 🙂 🙂 🙂
        As far as “Rincewind” goes, he does post some terrific, mind stimulating photos and artwork!! Pin ups are awesome! As a youngster I would love to go to the barber shop with Grandpa and drool over the pin ups on the wall calendar’s. Anywhere men would congregate there would be those calendar’s. Grumpy Old Fart does some great postings also! I do not have the ability to put a happy face here with it’s 6 inch tongue hanging out for you, but you get the ‘picture’!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yes I know I seen his page, he collect them and he’s really knows his stuff…wondering sometimes how ppl can remember all that. I can’t remember what I’ve posted a week ago :/ I love his pin ups and posts about book covers and drawings (books) etc.. etc
        I saw it in the movies only…the place you are talking about – barber shop with pin ups all over. Cool! U r lucky :)) I’m sure it was a real fun to go there with ur grandpa 😃 and dream about alllll those girls 😂🕺
        Mmmm, wanted to ask: why is your fart old & grumpy? Why u don’t wanna have a happy glowing fart? (just example)

        Liked by 1 person

      7. “Bakery Wife” hmmmmmmmmm. Ask your mum,the next time she comes to town, to bring her spanking hand, switch, belt or whatever, because ‘somebody’ is being nasty!:)
        Larry is a nice fellow, from Puerto Rico. However, he has nothing that would tempt me to ‘switch’! He does use Honey instead of refined sugar in his baking. Still just a ‘nice’ person though!

        Liked by 1 person

      8. In your wisdom, tell me why as a young boy, I felt compelled to look at the pin-up pictures and felt ‘so good’ and at 5,6,7 had no idea what I was feeling.
        A little bit different now! 🙂 🙂 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Im kinda lost. When u felt what?
        Mmm, 5,6,7 – u shouldn’t feel much at all. It’s actually interesting that u remember them, those pin ups haha
        Mmm, when u was a teenager- maybe forced to look at them, cuz too fast growing p***s! But honestly, I think we always want to look at something we don’t see so often. I mean u def haven’t seen them on the streets walking in the dressed like that. Because if we r used to something- we look less & less. And after a while we don’t see it anymore. Kinda sad..isn’t it?
        If u want to laugh ur lungs out again…maybe Saturday lol I’ll write about Romeo 😬
        Mmmm, i scheduled serious post for tomorrow, one only. I have busy days ahead – vaccination for dogs, spa for myself, work, food, cleaning the house, website building aaaaaa!! :))

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Don’t know exactly what I was feeling! Just a ‘good’ feeling!
        And now “stuck as a boy” I get not only the ‘good’ 😉 feeling, but others as well!
        Like pictures of my Grandpa and me! Picture of the town I grew up in!
        Just a “GOOD’ feeling!
        Sort of like when Ray ‘likes’ something I post on her post!

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Haha got it 🙂 “good feeling”
        Oh I don’t have so much pictures but all I have – I love ❤️ it was a good time.
        Good time of good feelings :)) thx for a nostalgic touch. Now time for a lullaby 😂💤💤
        Oh, and a hug from Ray! 🤗🤗

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Sorry, if what I said about your Mum bringing her spanking accessories, caused a unpleasant memory for you or …………….
        I thought I was being funny!

        Liked by 1 person

      13. No. Not at all. I don’t have unpleasant memories about it. It was long time ago. I think I was difficult child as well. I was always late. I mean I told I’ll be there in 14:00 – but I showed up only around 19/or 20:00..😬😂 #justimagine #dontaskwhereIbeen

        Liked by 1 person

      14. I reblogged a post with Buddha pictures..there’s kinda competition there: to choose most old item. I said a plate ( no surprise 😂😂😂, hungry me). U can take a look and pick one too..hopefully the owner of the blog will tell us the answer tomorrow lol 👵☕️

        Liked by 1 person

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